Clearly the blog posts have been lacking lately. It's been on "my list". There are a lot of things on that list. Not very many of them bring joy or peace to my life. I mean sure, cleaning closets helps with a more peaceful feeling when it's done but... getting to it, that's the non-peaceful part. Usually it entails me acting like a crazy woman while I rush my kids through their evening, or day or week - depends how thorough I am. I feel like a failure... anyone out there with me?
Some days it's hard to just get out of bed let alone paste a smile on my face and get a "jump" on the day! I love my life, don't get me wrong, but when I stop to look at it, okay, when I'm laying in bed at night frantic with the unfinished list and my thoughts take a turn, I realize that most of what I think is important really just sucks the life out of me.
This is the point where I'm supposed to tell you that I've decided to stop the madness and breathe.... and enjoy life... and quit with the lists. BUT HOW DO I DO THAT???? Just the thought of it makes me start to panic. Things need to get done. Really they do, right? I mean, a house can't function without lunches made, garbages emptied, kids fed, homework checked, bills paid and laundry done. Not to mention beds made, floors washed... you get my drift. It's insane. And I have a husband who is helpful... I know that's not always the case.
So what can we do to be able to enjoy more and stress less? Stop being a perfectionist? That's a start. It's not going to be the end of the world if I don't have home baked treats for my kids lunches every week right? Maybe they will appreciate it when I do finally get the chance? Here's a novel idea... maybe I could give myself a little GRACE.
A friend and I were texting the other day about how easy it was to fall into the guilt trap. It's hard enough to live with everyone else's expectations of us, but the expectations we place on ourselves, those are the heaviest loads. So when we can't accomplish everything we think we should - guilt. Guilt leads to anxiety, anxiety leads to stress and either we drown it with wine (am I the only one...) or we go all snap crazy on the ones closest to us (again... is it just me???).
Grace. The dictionary has a few definitions but the one I'm talking about is this: disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency. It's one of the things that I value dearly... to be kind to those around me. I feel inclined often to remember that everyone has a story and a reason to act the way they do, so I give others grace - not all the time, but often. When it comes to myself... hardly ever. Why is that?
Why can we not give ourselves a break?
I don't have answers, I'm just musing and throwing out the questions. Could we all stop, take a breath and say to ourselves..."It's ok self, you don't have to have everything figured out. You don't need to scramble to catch all the balls in the air and you really don't need to beat yourself up when something gets missed." I don't know that I can actually DO that but I'm willing to try, are you? Is it time to dish out some well-deserved grace to our tired and weary souls??