Lessons


Parenting is the most difficult thing I have ever done.There is nothing that really even comes close to second.It is challenging, exhausting, beautiful and rewarding all in one moments time and I have to say… nothing prepared me for this role.My ignorant pre-mother self had it all figured out. I knew the mother I would be, the child I would have and the discipline I would use.I laugh in the face of that naive girl.I always knew my child would be laid back, calm and perfectly mannered … except no, he’s not. My son will be two in three short weeks and as I type this I have tear stained cheeks from feeling like a failure as a parent. He is supposed to be sleeping but I hear his hands clapping, feet kicking the side of his crib and a quiet mama chant. My two year old is nothing like I “knew” my baby would be. He is busy, noisy, stubborn and independent.Busy.Sure, the constant up, down motion, answering of questions and repetition of “no, we don’t run out to the front street" can be exhausting. But…busy is good. Busy means my baby has the ability to run, the brainpower to execute knew tasks and to explore the world.Noisy.This, we will work on but in fairness to my sweet baby boy.. I am not a quiet or calm person. I tend to be excitable, hyper and slightly high strung. So perhaps I need to first learn the lesson I am trying to teach him before he will really take me seriously. But, noisy isn’t all bad. Noisy means that I was able to bring life into the world. Noisy means anyone who ever tries to steal him will come running back to his rightful “owner”…noisy, we can work with.Stubborn.Me. His dad. Him. It’s a family thing. Sure, since he is only two years old stubborn can be frustrating…lesson to myself…. do not have a power struggle with your toddler. Ah, another thing that is actually a lesson for my toddlers mom. And.. I suppose.. that when my boy is man I will be thankful that he is headstrong knows what he wants and has great determination... these are qualities I need to be feeding and embracing. Independent. Praise the lord. Enough said. Perhaps instead of holding his hand I need to focus on walking one foot behind him. Perhaps, I have a lesson to learn here as well. Maybe, his independence at two is something I should work with.. instead of against. 
While I teach my son how to share his toys, use his indoor voice and listen to mommy when she says “no” I am learning lessons far more valuable than the ones I am teaching him.Life will never look how you thought it should look. No one will be who you think they should be. And although cliche.. nothing worth having ever comes easy.. ever. You know what is easy? Seeing the negative.  You know what would be more proactive? Looking for the positive.
I am positive that tomorrow is a new day. That he will test me before we get out of our pyjamas.. but I am also positive that he is the greatest blessing I have ever received and that heck, he may not be perfect … but I am far from it. So tomorrow we will be imperfect together and I will learn a lesson with every one that I teach him.